How to manage anxiety and nine tools to help you

I recently shared a post on Instagram about how I’ve struggled with anxiety and it got more likes and comments than anything I’ve ever posted. After sharing this, close friends and even strangers told me they’ve been struggling too. Do you know what’s ironic? I sat on that post for two weeks because I was anxious about what people would think if I posted it. This made me realise it’s time I start opening up about my mental health and share the tools that have helped me in the hope of helping you.

Over the past five years, I’ve developed some anxiety I’d never experienced before. I couldn’t comprehend what anxiety was before this. I didn’t understand the lump in your throat or the constant nauseous feeling eating a hole in your stomach. I didn’t understand the restless nights, how it feels crippling and can make mundane tasks feel overwhelming.

When my anxious mind was at it’s worst, I became scared to go to the gym, a place I usually feel at home, confident and happy. I wasn’t scared of people watching me exercise or not knowing what I was doing, ya know, the usual reasons people get scared to enter a gym.

I was anxious about people watching me walk down the stairs to the squat racks. There were times I would sit in my car and then drive home without stepping through the doors, too afraid to do the thing that would help me feel less anxious.

I became someone I didn’t recognise. That’s the ridiculous shit anxiety can do to you.

The worst part is, when you’re going through this, you know it’s irrational. You know logically, no one gives a shit about you walking down the stairs, but it’s like there is a barrier in front of all the logical reasoning telling you differently and it sucks.

I manage my anxiety better now and have worked on finding the tools that help me, because I didn’t want to stay an anxious mess that’s afraid of stairs (they’re in so many places after all).

I didn’t want to have these crippling feelings pop up in my life and feel trapped. I wanted to understand mental health more and I wanted to have ways to deal with my emotions, so I read everything I could, sought professional help and changed things about my life.

But this post isn’t about me, it’s about sharing the things that got me through to help you and your wee little anxious mind. Let’s go!

1. Seek professional help.

It seems obvious, doesn’t it? But people don’t do it enough. If you were sick, you’d go to a doctor. If your toilet broke, you’d hire a plumber. If you’re feeling mentally ill, see a counsellor or a psychologist and talk about it.

I know it feels hard and overwhelming and I know your head probably spins in circles thinking you’re weak or you shouldn’t need the help.I know it’s scary. I get it, I honestly do, but please know it’s okay to need help. It’s okay to let people in and be vulnerable. It’s okay to ask for support. If we’re honest with ourselves, it’s pretty fucking brave to sit in a room and unpack what’s making you feel anxious or down. It takes courage, and it’s courage you can muster.

Professionals have different ways of handling mental health. They are employed to do this. They have studied it for years. It is their job to care only about you when you’re with them and give you space to speak in a judgement-free zone. I promise this is the longest point. I feel so strongly about this I’m using a lot of italics.

I see a psychologist regularly and I’ve spoken with counsellors on multiple occasions through rough times. My psychologist saves me so much sadness, anxiety and restless nights. She helps me understand the deeper issues I need to work on. It was definitely hard to unpack these, but I am a better, more self aware and emotionally adjusted person for it. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets (much, much) better, but in this case, the grass really is greener once you work through your shit. It feels good talking to someone with an objective opinion, who isn’t part of your regular life who can provide you with fab tools to manage your emotions and reactions.

I saw three different psychologists and counsellors before I found someone I clicked with, so keep trying even if you don’t have a connection with the first person you speak to. Imagine if we did that to friends or future partners – met one person we didn’t like then gave up on ever trying again! You wouldn’t do that, so don’t do it when looking for a psychologist.

I’ve listed some resources for seeking professional help at the end of the post.

2. Speak to friends and family

Unfortunately, we can’t be out here ringing our therapist whenever we’re having a bad day, so open up to your friends and family. Normalise anxiety. Talk about it and get out of your head a little. You know that feeling when you tell someone something and they‘re all like ‘Oh my god me too Susan, I LOVE mashed potato!’ And then you bond over the thing you both really like? If you open up about the anxiety and the shit feelings, someone, somewhere will have experienced them too. Then you’ll both laugh and bond and you’ll be all like ‘wow maybe I’m not alone’ and that is enough to make you have a good day. That’s what happened when I shared the Instagram post and it made me feel less alone.

But seriously, please remember, for the most part, people are lovely and caring. Remember you have people around who love and support you and telling them how you feel will help. They can remind you of things that make you happy, calm you down and you can talk and get out of your head. If you feel like you don’t have these people, you have my name and I’m always up for a chat so slide right into my DMs (not in a creepy way, we’re talking about mental health here JEEZ).

3. Figure out the cause

Are you fulfilled at work? Are your relationships good? Do you take care of yourself? Is there a reason you’re feeling anxious? Do you have a cute puppy? They solve everything really.

Perhaps finding the root cause of the anxiety is the first step to get you on the way to feeling better. Mine was more a life thing that happened to me (situational anxiety) (big words) and feeling like there were things I wanted to do and hadn’t yet. Now that I’ve worked on changing this, the anxiety pops up far less.

If something is causing the anxiety, think about what it would look like to change this. If you did, would you feel less anxious six or twelve months down the track? Even though you might go through a shitstorm first, would you be happier once you overcome the shitstorm?

Would your life be better if you left the job you hate, even though the process of finding and learning a new one would be difficult? Would your life really be that bad without your shitty relationship, or would it look better once you work through the heartbreak? Would learning how to be okay on your own really be that bad? Are you feeling overwhelmed with how many things you have on and not sure where to cut things out? Is doing everything alone helping or hindering you? Ask yourself these questions. Write them down. Sometimes seeing everything visually and getting them out of your head helps.

If you can’t pinpoint what is causing it and you think everything is good in your life, that’s okay too. Maybe your anxiety needs to be addressed differently, but I reckon asking yourself these questions can’t hurt.

4. Do some exercise

Now, I know this sounds generic as hell but I’m not suggesting this for the usual reasons people do, simply for endorphins. I believe exercise helps because you’re concentrating on the feeling of your body and your limbs. You’re probably in a bit of discomfort and it’s coming from your muscles instead of your overthinking brain for once.

Often anxiety can come with a lot of excess energy and exercise is a great way to expel it, especially if you’re struggling to sleep. I like to exercise, because when I’m not well it’s the one or two hours that I’m not thinking about something shit. It feels like an accomplishment. It’s something I do only for myself and that’s important. Yes, the endorphins come later and they do play a part in making you feel better, but the people telling you ‘like oh my god Patricia, totally just like go for a run or do a Zumba class, it’ll like totally cure your depression’ do not make you feel enthused to choose exercise as a way to feel better.

Please reconsider exercise (that you actually like doing) for the above reasons instead of the #endorphinkick and maybe that’ll make you want to do it more. I actually did a blog on finding exercise you like a while ago which you can find here for future reading. No one is watching you walk down the stairs at the gym, don’t worry.

5. Get some meditation apps

‘Mediating is not for me Helena’, ‘I hate it, can’t sit still Helena’, ‘Yuck I am not a Buddhist Helena’.

I thought this too. If anyone knows me you know that my brain is constantly ticking and I hardly ever shut up and being bored is the WORST THING I COULD BE, I need constant stimulation!!!!!!!

And then I started meditating and now I am a Zen Goddess. Not really, BUT I use meditation apps to help me sleep and for five to ten minutes when I wake up in the morning as these are the times when anxiety often feels the worst, am I right? I’ve listed three of my favourite apps below because three is my favourite number:

Smiling Mind – This one is my go-to and costs zero dollars! You can choose from meditations ranging from 6-20 minutes. I like the Starry Night or Sensing programs which are about eight minutes long, just short enough for you to not get bored.

Headspace – This has all sorts of meditation programs to start you off ranging from 5-20 minutes. You have to start paying for it after a free trial month, but hey what’s the price of feeling nice?

CALM – This is a popular app too and it offers new meditations daily so you can find one that works for you.

6. Find something that consumes your mind

Find something that makes you feel happy and accomplished and gets you out of your head.

Few things do this for me. Olympic lifting and being in the gym makes me forget about everything else and stops my head from spinning. I love it and force myself to do it even when I’m tired, grumpy or anxious. The same goes for writing. Find something that makes you feel this way. Something that consumes your brain and brings you joy.

It could be swimming, running, photography, cycling, drawing, painting, rescuing kittens etc. Keep looking, you’ll find it I promise.

7. Read or listen to a book about mental health

Learning about things always helps me understand them and myself better and it eases my anxiety.

Reading in general helps me when anxiety comes up and I often reach for a self-help book. I love reading about different perspectives and learning new ways to think about a situation.

Before you scoff at self-help books, please realise you are currently reading a self-help type blog and you’ve gotten down to point seven, so it can’t be that bad right?!

If you need some suggestions, check out my (pretty impressive and totally cool) blog, a comprehensive list of awesome books thats will change your life.

8. Write things down

If you have a million things buzzing around in your head distracting you or stopping you from sleeping, keep a notebook with you and/or next to your bed. Write it down and get the racing thoughts out of your head. When I can’t sleep I always find this helps. I tell myself I can look at it the next day and the endless lists of things I’m thinking about or need to do will still be there. Plus, seeing the thoughts on paper can make them seem like less of a big deal than your brain perceives them.

9. Breathe

Whenever you feel overwhelmed, scared or anxious, it’s pretty common to stop breathing properly. Who knew?! Sometimes I’ll be thinking and then gasp because I realise I have been holding my breath. When this happens, take ten deep breaths and slow your heart rate and nervous system the hell down.

I like the box method. Four seconds to inhale, hold for four seconds, four second exhale and four second hold. Repeat until you feel yourself calm down. I like to do ten breaths because I have ten fingers and counting is hard.

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Mental health has so many layers and it’s unique to every person. What helps me, might do sweet fuck all to help you. Try things until you find what works for you. At the very least, please try and talk to people about it – mashed potatoes, remember?

You’re not weird for feeling these things, you’re human. I hope this helps you or someone you know. Please share this for the sake of someone else, you never know who might be struggling. If you want to chat, you know where I am. If you have any tools I’ve missed, please let me know.

Quick resources

• Listen to this Ted Talk by Brene Brown on Vulnerability.
• Read some articles on the Psychology Today website.
• Watch some Queer Eye on Netflix. I don’t think I’ve ever watched a show that is so uplifting, warm and makes you love humans! It makes you want to love yourself more and they address a lot of mental health issues. If you don’t want to leave the house because your heads a mess, you may as well watch something positive at home!
• Listen to this amazing Ted Talk about how there is no shame in addressing ill mental health.
• Read some books from my blog, a comprehensive list of awesome books thats will change your life.
• Seriously just shower yourself with dogs.

Professional help

Most of the below are relevant for Aussies, but if you have a quick Google I’m sure you’ll find similar options in your country.

GP’s/Doctors: Find yourself a good doctor and discuss a mental health plan. In Australia, you can get 10 psychology appointments for a discounted rate when you go through your GP and make a plan. If you’re somewhere else, have a Google of what options are available in your country.

Employee Assistance Programs (EAP): Most employers have a service called an EAP where you can contact a counsellor for free, anonymously, without your employer knowing and see them in person or do phone counselling sessions. It should be in your EBA or somewhere on your companies HR website. When I used this service recently, I had a standing phone call with a counsellor at 8pm on a Monday night and no-one from work even knew. I thought the phone calls wouldn’t work that well for me, but I actually loved them and it helped me so much. Phone sessions are an especially good stepping stone if you or someone you know feel hesitant to speak to someone in person.

Online counselling and free resources:
Lifeline – 24/7 Phone Counselling, the number is 13 11 14.
eHeadspace – Online and phone support for 12-24 aged youth, and their family and friends. 
Beyond Blue – Beyond Blue offers information and advice on mental health, specialising in depression and anxiety. 

Universities:
Most universities offer low cost counselling and therapy sessions with provisional therapists (students who have just graduated). These are much cheaper but no less helpful! The below two are for universities in Canberra but if you give it a quick Google, you can find one in your area.
University of Canberra Psychology Clinic: 02 6201 5843
ANU Psychology Clinic: 02 6125 8498

Yours in love and vulnerability,
Helena

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